1. You will know who your true friends and family are.

Being a caregiver can be lonely, but it will also show you who your true friends are. They’re the ones who are willing to offer help or keep you company. They’re the people who will listen to you talk about the difficult moments in life. They will celebrate your victories alongside you. When someone is there for you in your most challenging moments, you’ll develop a deep trust. Caregiving helps you realize which relationships are your best and strengthens them even further.

Takeaway Tip: Sometimes it can be hard for your loved ones to know how to be there for you. If you’re feeling isolated, learn to ask for help from a trusted friend or family member. Tell them you’re feeling lonely and ask if you can go out for coffee or even take a walk together. Your loved ones may not reach out because they’re worried about burdening you with more obligations. Make it clear that you appreciate the time you spend together.

2. You won’t have to worry about whether your loved one is receiving good care.

When my mom lived in a nursing home, I felt powerless to improve her care. Even when I liked the people who were working with her, I couldn’t stop worrying about her. It wasn’t possible to see her every day and when she got sick or experienced pain, I felt guilty. I constantly wondered if there was something else I could have done to protect her.

Now, I have peace of mind knowing that my mom is being well-cared for. She still gets sick of course but I don’t have to wonder if I could have done something different to prevent her illnesses. I know what her doctors recommend, and I follow those recommendations. This makes it easier to accept when things don’t go perfectly.

Takeaway Tip: As a caregiver, sometimes you might second guess yourself. Remember, you don’t have to be the best at everything to be the best caregiver for your loved one. Even if you do everything right, people get sick and scary things happen sometimes. It’s easy to blame yourself but you’re not responsible for protecting your loved one from everything. Do your best and treat yourself with compassion.

3. You will become confident in your ability to handle anything.

Caregiving will throw you a lot of curveballs and you’ll serve in a lot of different roles. You will talk to doctors, nurses, case managers, lawyers, and physical therapists. You’ll learn to administer medications and help someone dress, among other new skills. Caregiving will prepare you for curveballs at work, as a parent, and in all areas of life.

Takeaway Tip: Remember, even if you can handle anything, you aren’t responsible for everything. People will notice that you have a good head on your shoulders and may begin to turn to you for help. Helping others is a wonderful thing, but you also need to remember to protect your time. If possible, offer advice and guidance instead of doing things for others. Share what you’ve learned and empower others to achieve their own successes.

If you are a caregiver for a senior with dementia, the most important thing is to first understand the disease. Although Alzheimer’s disease is just one type of dementia, it is the one with the most pronounced stages. Alzheimer’s is a progressive condition, meaning symptoms increase in severity as time goes on.

People with Alzheimer’s typically live four to eight years after the disease is confirmed, though some may live with the disease for up to two decades. If you are familiar with these stages it will help you to identify the behaviors your loved one is exhibiting, learn how to address them, and update his or her primary care physician.

1. Ask the senior how you can be most helpful

• What do they need daily?
• What tasks are difficult for them?
• Do they have regular weekly or monthly appointments – hair, physician etc. that they need transportation to and from?

2. Talk to the senior’s physician

• If the senior is willing to give you written permission, or you are the health care proxy, ask the physician to update you about the senior’s health. You can also discuss this with your loved one, but often seniors will hide information about their health condition for fear of losing their independence. You need to know exactly what the health impairments are in order to address them appropriately.
• If you do not have permission or are not the health care proxy the physician cannot, by law, release private medical information to you. However, he or she may be willing to suggest the types of support that think will be most helpful.

3. Talk to friends, family members, neighbors of your loved one

• Can a schedule of support and help be created?
• Can a neighbor’s child take out the garbage or walk your loved one’s dog?
• Can a sibling who lives close by take your loved one grocery shopping?
• Can neighbors or family members check in the senior regularly, especially during extreme hot and cold weather?
• Make sure everyone has all your phone numbers, your e-mail and other contact information.

4. Rely on local resources

There are many organizations that provide support for seniors. You can find the ones in your loved one’s area by checking these sources of information:

• Eldercare Locator, 1-800-677-1116 (toll-free)
• National Institute on Aging website
• Family Care Navigator
• Your state government’s website, search for “elder care”, “senior care”, or “INSERT STATE NAME Executive Office of Elder Affairs.”

Home Care agencies can also be a great resource to rely on. Certified, professional home caregivers can take care of your loved one and keep you updated on their condition.

5. Keep detailed records

• Create a 3-ring binder in which you can keep notes, medical records, insurance information, calendars and even printed copies of emails. This will be a great help to you as the care of your loved one becomes more complex
• Include contact information for all physicians, nurse practitioners, physician assistants, case managers and specialists, like physical therapists
• Make copies for all those involved in the support and care of your loved one and keep the records updated

The National Institute for Aging is a great resource for information on long-distance caregiving. They have two downloadable publications:

• Long-Distance Caregiving: Twenty Questions and Answers
• Long-Distance Caregiving—A Family Affair

The NIH also has a webpage dedicated to caregiving. It is a rich source of information that lists numerous books, fact sheets and information pages on a wide range of issues involved in caregiving. Last week, we published a piece on how to manage the Emotional impact of Long-Distance Care – an aspect of caring for your loved one that you don’t want to miss.

1. Nap when your loved one naps.

Lock the doors and place a cot, oversized chair or bed next to them. Take a cat nap when they do. Yes, there are many other things you could be doing while they sleep. However, this is an opportunity to squeeze in time to care for yourself, and you need to make it a priority.

2. Snack when your loved one snacks.

You may be too tired to eat three big meals a day, and that can lead to snacking on High-fat, high-sugar foods. You can change that. When you make snacks for your loved one, make them as healthy as possible and make enough for yourself. Try whole grain crackers with slices of cheese and apples. Serve small cups of soup and half a sandwich. Create a colorful plate of sliced oranges and grapes. Prepare a morning snack and an afternoon snack. Pour water in the good wine glasses and add a slice of lemon. If you have to prepare snacks anyway, why not make them appetizing for you and your loved one?

3. Relax for 10 minutes.

Set the timer and sit down. You can fold the laundry or sort through the mail while you sit down with your feet up. Turn on your loved one’s favorite TV show, make a cup of your favorite tea, coffee or hot chocolate and watch it with them. If they don’t have a favorite show, then find one that you like and watch it together. Do some deep breathing exercises and do not get up until the timer goes off!

4. Breathe in fresh air.

It doesn’t matter what climate you live in; you need fresh air. Whether it is a hot, dry southern climate or a cold northern one, you need to breathe in the outdoor air at least once a day. It’s good for the lungs and the mind. If your loved one can’t go outside, stand in front of an open window. Bundle them up if the weather demands it and then let the fresh air in. Do deep breathing exercises and teach your loved one to do them with you. In a matter of minutes, you will feel refreshed.

Caregivers give their all to their loved ones – all day, every day. Caring for yourself can seem impossible unless you begin to look at it differently. Most caregivers aren’t going to ask relatives to step in so they can take a day off and even fewer are going to take the time to go to a spa. However, if you think of the small moments in the day in which you can care for yourself along with your loved one, it will seem easier to accomplish. Read more about how to take care of yourself in our blog post, “How Caregivers Can Avoid Depression.”